Why? I HAVE NO IDEA... but I do have FAITH

Taking a little intermission from my Nantucket posts...

I am back in DC and it's been busy getting kids started with school again while unpacking, and getting my life back together as well! (I bought my first piece of furniture this past week... others soon to come!)

It's also been a time of reflection for me in thinking about where I am and where I am going. And, I've come to the conclusion that

I HAVE NO IDEA!
(Yes, that did scare me initially)

After graduating high school and in college I had my five and ten year plans. Well, I'll just say that it's nothing at all what my life is actually like right now. Even my plan after graduating with my masters degree is completely different than what I am doing now.

It's made me stop and think - WHY? Why did I even go to grad school if I was only going to work as a school counselor for 2.5 years? That was a lot of torture, money and agony to put myself through for just that!

And, I've asked WHY for many other questions as well. I'm not saying I have found the answers to those WHY questions, but I can start to see how one event led me to the next. And, that I can't even imagine I would be where I am right now if I hadn't taken those small, and sometimes very hard, steps along the way.

I ran across this article by Steve Jobs. His words gave me comfort as I walk a little blindly right now... and question - WHY?

Steve: "I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me."

(I imagine he asked himself this question many times after this happened... WHY?)

Steve continues: "It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle."

I love that statement. I have had jobs at times that I DID NOT love. And, I guess I am still in the process of figuring out exactly what I do LOVE and what I believe is great work. I have faith and hope that I'll find it... but a long the way I guess I am just going to have to ask WHY and reason that I just don't know! And, that is OK.

Steve also adds: "When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something."

That is a good motto to live by

Finally, Steve explains it best by saying: "Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life."

I want to believe this is faith. Faith that the Lord knows who I am. Faith that he hears and answers my prayers. Faith that he loves me, is aware of me, and will help me as make decisions about my future.