Monday, December 21, 2009

Insightful thoughts

Recently I randomly found this article while looking for something else. It struck me not only because I find it a little humorous, but he makes some very valid and strong points. Excerts below... but I suggest reading it fully!

tragically ignorant
about something we once seemed to understand:

Even in the church, we postpone marriage later and later,
as if it were a particularly
unpleasant dental appointment.
There's so much to do first... Here's why it's a mistake:

We don't ever "find" ourselves.
Instead, in marriage, we make ourselves.

No, we make each other -- as a joint project.

We turn ourselves into a perfect fit. Our self is the marriage, and our part in it. There is no "I" without the "we." ...

Romance is nice. But it is biological in origin.

That dizzy head-over-heels feeling is a species of losing your mind, and most of the time it lasts only as long as the chase. What we keep forgetting is that in marriage, as opposed to romances, you aren't marrying the thrilling wonderful perfect Someone you're looking at right now.

You're marrying the man who decides not to have the dazzling career with the high salary, refusing promotions and transfers so the kids don't have to change schools. You're marrying the woman whose body doesn't bounce back after the third baby, so she's no longer slim and attractive by the standards of the magazines.

You're marrying the migraines and the hemorrhoids and the heart attack and the cancer; you're marrying the irritable, forgetful, lazy, thoughtless, sarcastic, distracted, too-busy days as well as the Kodak-happy ones.

You're marrying the one who works with you to raise the retarded or crippled child, or stands with you at the graveside of the child who dies.

You're marrying the one who can't find work after the company folds or he's laid off; you're marrying the early Alzheimer's, the diabetes, the obesity, the pain of conflict and the struggle of forgiveness.

The foundation of that isn't some ideal of romantic love. It's a commitment based on the goals you share. And real love, married love, is not what you start with -- it's what you create together along the way....

All marriages are between strangers. And sometimes it's the boring man who'll make the best husband, the plain woman who'll make the best mother.... Compared to the thick, strong fabric of married love, romantic love is a Kleenex. You can't make anything out of it. It's disposable -- there's always another in the box.

Now it's the application I need to work on :)

1 comment:

Sarah said...

AMEN! That is awesome Cara. I went and read the whole article. So good. Very very true. It bothers me so much when there are people out there looking for something "better" when they date people they enjoy being with, they know the person is a solid member of the church, etc etc. I remember my mission President's wife said to a group of us sister missionaries once that the wonderful man her husband is now is only after years of growing together. He was always a wonderful man, but now he is even better. We have to remember that we are all on this earth to progress.
Thanks for directing me to that article! (I just wrote an email and shared it with a bunch of friends)