Tonight I had the opportunity to find closure on one part of my life that has been a roller coaster over the past six years or so. From the beginning, I tried to be the one on the roller coaster, as well as the attendant controlling the roller coaster! And, time and time again, it proved to not work that way. I was on the roller coaster, yes, but could not control it no matter how hard I tried, or even prayed, for it to be the way I wanted.
Finally, after learning the hard way (sadly over and over many times), I gave up trying to control and just sat back and tried to enjoy where the ride went over the past 18 months. Although it didn't go the way I planned and prayed endlessly for, I feel at peace. I learned many things along the way, and am glad it has ended so that I can now move on to a different ride and hopefully this time just sit and enjoy and not try to control it as well.
I am also grateful for the gift of time. I wouldn't have been able to feel this way a year ago, or maybe even a month or week ago about getting off the roller coaster. I probably would have demanded another ride! Some lessons are harder learned than others, especially when I am stubborn, but are needed for growth. This one was hard, very hard. Closure hurts a little when I realize my hopes, dreams, and plans were not fulfilled in this area (yet), but my faith remains strong in that there will be another ride, an even better and happier one as well! Until then, who wants to join me on the happy, peaceful and calm merry-go-round? :)