5 down. How many to go? Now, that is the million dollar question.

I've debated all day whether or not to blog about this. (You can see I have a lot of important things on my mind today :)

I feel like it's a birthday and I don't really want to celebrate it because that means I am getting old... and we just "hyper-down" about things like that, as one of my co-workers would say. But, I also feel like this is a major accomplishment for me and I am DARN proud of it!!

Today marks five years since my mom, brother, father and I pulled onto Charnwood Street in Somerville, MA with my car and a U-Haul (after only getting lost a few times off the highway - which is necessary for all newcomers to Boston to experience so that they know they've really arrived in Boston). And, a new life began.

It was my first time living on my own, not surrounded by 15,000 other Mormons my age living in a college town, and no friends what-so-ever. I came without a job, or a computer to get on the internet to find a job... furniture that I had gotten donated from family and extended family and a mattress from the 1980's (but I was grateful for it all!!). But really, let's be honest, what the heck was I thinking? Looking back on it now - I was crazy, alone, and very unprepared. And I had arrived just in time for one of Boston's worst winters on record for wind speed and temperatures.

But, what kept me here? Or, why did I come in the first place. The only answer I can come up with was faith. I knew I had given my decision a lot of thought, had received a lot of counsel from family and friends... but the thing that got me here and kept me here was FAITH. I had prayed about it and knew this is where I should be. Of course, that didn't keep me from crying as I said good-bye to my mom as she got on the "T" to return to PA after helping me unpack for a few days. And, it didn't keep me from crying many, many times over the next few months. BUT, it did give me the courage to stay and not run... which I had thought about a few times :) It also helped that my dad lives an hour and a half away and I would escape there on the weekends a few times (and to thaw out)!

Our temple president told an amazing story from his own life last night at stake conference about acting on faith. I'll never forget it. "No job, no schooling, no house at where they were going... but he left his good job, picked up his young family of four, and moved many states away because he received an answer to prompting and acted on faith". "Things work out. They always do". Of course, there are parameters to that... but I won't go into those now.

But, five years. I had no idea (and no plan) to be here that long. How many more to go? Now, that's a good question. Someone asked me today if I was going to stay here long term. And, I wanted to shout "NO!" But, wait. Why? On my walk home I thought about it. I do LOVE this city. I think when I wanted to shout "NO" it was more of I HAVE to move on from Somerville. It's where I have lived for the past five years. I moved once, but only two blocks away. This street has been walked by me EVERY day for the past five years. I've watched each season change the trees and have many fond memories of Hancock Street.

The path I walk down. I usually never walk on the sidewalks.
Just down the middle of the street :)

To name a few:
1. The trees that coat your car in pollen
2. The lady that comes and searches through my recycling every week for cans
3. The car with the sticker that says "Please Jesus, save me from your followers" and I want to RIP it off every time I walk by... and then kick its tires
4. The hydrant across the street that's given me $300 worth in tickets (but I fought each one and won!)
5. The crazy neighbors down the street who always have the biggest Halloween decorations I've ever seen
6. Other crazy neighbors... we'll just leave it at that.
7. Street cleaning. HATE it!
8. Moving in and having our nice neighbor help us rig a pulley to get our couch through the 2nd story window. (Picture below... current duplex where I now live. And, yes, three-seater sleep sofa came up through the 2nd floor windows!)


So, yes. A LOT has changed in my life over the past five years. Things I never dreamed of.... like getting my masters degree, becoming a huge fan of the Red Sox, meeting some of the most incredible people, working in probably the best job ever as an elementary school guidance counselor, etc.... I love Boston. I KNOW I need to move on from Somerville... but how far should I go and when... the next town over... or miles and miles away. No rush on that decision... but it's on my mind. "How many more to go?"

The Greatest Show on Earth!

Yep. As of today I do declare the Ringling Brothers "The Greatest Show on Earth!" It was fascinating. I remember going with my dad and brothers during the summer in Rhode Island. They would come to town around the day of my birthday so I always thought I was a little extra special being able to go to the circus for my birthday! I remember just loving the performers and wondering how they were able to flip and fly and tumble the way they did. I also loved it when they would give a program to tell us a little about each performer. At that time, it really was like one big family! The parents were performers and the kids grew up to be ones as well!

This show was no different from my happy memories of the circus in Charlestown, RI. They had constant action going on in two rings for most of the time. People flying through the air, animals (including tigers!!) performing amazing stunts, great music, funny clowns, the list goes on and on. I was captivated by it and I know my friend and her kids were as well! I am so glad I took the opportunity to go and be a kid again, even if I was techincally suposed to be acting like a "responsible adult" :)

Here are the elephants. How can such a big animal stand on such a little thing!

Cute!

Okay. The best was at the end though. This picture does not do it justice, but a man and a woman were literally SHOT out of this cannon at 65 miles per hour! INCREDIBLE!!!

These were two of the kids (Leo and Cecilia) I was with. THEY LOVED IT! And, I did to. :)

Nope. He's not poisoning the world's peanut butter supply. Worse. Much worse.

I am fortunate to have the opportunity to teach a class on Sundays in my church to those who are new members or investigating. I am not a fan of teaching, mostly because I don't feel I am very eloquent (or even make sense) when I speak, but I LOVE the opportunity preparing each lesson gives me to really study the lesson topic.

Today's lesson was on the family. Why Families? Why did Heavenly Father give us the family as the way to organize ourselves on the earth and have roles such as a mother, father, and child. It has been such a fascinating topic to study and research. Because "The Family" and its importance is one of the basic and fundamental teachings of the Church, there is A TON of information available. I could go on and on about the importance of the family, and the roles we each play in the family, but I want this post to be about the Adversary's Attack on the Family.

I found this quote below by one of our church leaders, Elder M. Russell Ballard. While it is somewhat humorous, it makes a strong point.

"When you stop and think about it from a diabolically tactical point of view, fighting the family makes sense. When Satan wants to disrupt the work of the Lord, he doesn’t poison the world’s peanut butter supply, thus bringing the Church’s missionary system to its collective knees. He doesn’t send a plague of laryngitis to afflict the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. He doesn’t legislate against green Jell-O or casseroles. When Satan truly wants to disrupt the work of the Lord, he attempts to confuse gender and he attacks God’s plan for His children. He works to drive a wedge of disharmony between a father and a mother. He entices children to be disobedient to their parents. He makes family home evening and family prayer inconvenient. He suggests family scripture study is impractical. That’s all it takes, because Satan knows that the surest and most effective way to disrupt the Lord’s work is to diminish the effectiveness of the family and the sanctity of the home.

Look at what he accomplishes when he does that. Couples unhappy in their marriages tend not to give appropriate gospel instruction in the home. They are less likely to be committed to gospel principles in their own lives. Some drift from the Church. Apathy can overcome even active members, keeping them away from the temple and weakening their capacity to be effective leaders and teachers—thus leaving countless lives untouched and slowing the Lord’s work. And the Internet when not properly used is a vicious influence in the home. So we know, without question, Lucifer is the enemy of the family!"

Wow. This quote really struck me because I have seen and felt that influence in my own life without even realizing or thinking that it's really Satan at work. Ugh. I want to resist and fight that. How terrible. Absolutely terrible, but yet, Satan starts attacking us in the littlest ways just to get his finger in the door and then it opens wider and wider.

With the election coming up and the question about what constitutes a marriage and family on the minds of many people and ballots in some states, I see Satan working hard to open the door even more. I wish everyone could band together and fight against this. It's so sad. How disappointed the Lord must be in us. But, if anything, I know I can do my best to do my part to uphold these values and share them with others. This gives me something to think about this week....

I Want To Be...

Personally, I think I have the best job ever (besides that of being a mom)! I am an elementary school counselor and I work with students in Kindergarten, first and second grade. Each day brings something new and it's totally unpredictable when you work with kids. I've heard some of the funniest things from the kids while also being involved in very sad and troublesome family situations.

As a guidance counselor I get to do a variety of things, but one of my main goals is to help each student know that they are important, special, of worth and that they are loved. I teach in each classroom once a week for thirty minutes and love coming up with new material and new activities to teach a lesson.

Recently, I came across this poem. I thought it was very profound and wanted to post it. This sums up who I want to be! I frustrate myself. I get so caught up in some of the little things in this world... and, honestly, what do they matter in the real big picture?! Why do some of the small things that bug me or consume my time take me away from fully enjoying life?

Today, for instance, I put everything aside and went for a walk on one of the most beautiful days Boston has to offer - EVER. It was magical. I stopped to notice flowers, cute porches, changing leaf colors. I said Hi to people I walked by and stopped to talk to an older couple sitting on their porch. I took a few minutes to look outside the bubble that constantly surrounds me forcing me to focus only on myself and was amazed by the beauty, peace and goodness that surrounds me.

I have a vision of who I want to be and this poem is going to be my new daily reminder of keeping life in balance and really thinking about what matters most to me. Here's to more days like today!

I Want To Be
By Thylias Moss

I want to be wise but not so wise that I can't learn anything.
I want to be tall but not so tall that nothing is above me.
I want to be still but not so still that I turn into a mannequin or get mistaken for a tree.
I want to be in motion but I want the ants in my pants to sometimes take a vacation.
Sometimes I want to be slow but not so slow that everything passes me by.
Sometimes I want to be small but not so small that I am easy to miss.
Sometimes I want to be invisible but not gone.
I want to be all the people I know, then I want to know more people so I can be them too.
Then they can all be me.
I want to be eyes looking, looking everywhere.
I want to be ears hearing, hearing everything.
I want to be hands touching, touching everything.
I want to be mouth tasting, tasting everything.
I want to be heart feeling, feeling everything.
I want to be life doing, doing everything.

P.S. And, can I share more good news!!! My sister-in-law got a book contract with a publisher in the United Kingdom and it's going for auction in Germany this week as well. Congrats BECCA!!!

One true constant.

I feel like my life has been one big whirlwind the past week or two. Maybe longer. It's been filled with many, many good things (like a fun trip to NYC; seeing an old, but fabulous, friend from my summers at Camp Oneka; my mom in town; Time out for Women; my sister-in-law getting a book contract (CONGRATS BECCA!); birthday parties... the list goes on and on.

I am the type of person who has always tried to maintain some sort of order in my life... and a schedule. I like to know what to expect! Yes, I'll admit it. I'm a die-hard planner!!!

Well, this summer opened up my eyes to life without a schedule and it was a learning experience for me. Grad school offered me a peak at what life is like without a "real" schedule and I struggled with it. I don't like being a student and was determined to be out and done with school as fast as possible (hence the reason I took an intense one year masters program instead of the usual two years!)

But, this summer was definitely a positive experience, although it was not always easy/or fun! (Are lessons in life ever really "fun"? I would actually welcome comments on that!) I am grateful for this experience though because it prepared me for the past few weeks. This is weird for me to say, and for others it might sounds ridiculous, but I have loved the freedom and spontaneity I have experienced the past few weeks. I have put some of the "planning" aside and have let life just happen. Roll with whatever comes my way. It's been fun! Flexibility is required and that is definitely something I have needed to work on.

However, last Sunday morning as I was sitting in an apartment in NYC enjoying some downtime before an eventful day, I was overwhelmed with gratitude for the scriptures and for the peace I felt as I read them. I felt like nothing in my life had been constant over the past few weeks... except for one thing. The scriptures and the PEACE I know I feel as I read them. Sometimes I even crave the feeling I get from reading them and will count down the time till I can have it again. I am incredibly grateful for them and just had to blog about it... although words can't express my feelings very well.


And, one additional comment: As we drove into the BIG CITY on Friday evening I was a little overwhelmed. I am not a city girl and was captivated by the lights and action going on everywhere (glad I wasn't driving too!) But, as we turned the corner to where we were staying in Lincoln Center, I turned to my left and say the ANGEL MORONI on top of a beautiful white building (the TEMPLE!!) I was shocked that it was right there! This beautiful temple in the middle of a big city! It made me so happy and a feeling of peace and comfort came over me. I only wished I had brought my recommend with me! I look forward to returning there... hopefully someday soon :)

Isn't it beautiful!!! Right in the middle of Lincoln Center!

A "Time out" with Dr. Seuss and friends

"Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!" Dr. Seuss

Life has been busy. Really busy. Why? I have no logical explanation other than... that's life!

But, this weekend I took a "Time Out". For many of us, that never REALLY happens. Some of you probably send your kids to a time out, but we never send ourselves. Granted, a kids time out is not as much fun, rejuvenating or uplifting as the "Time Out" I experienced this weekend!

Deseret Book has these weekend seminars called "Time Out for Women" and they hold them all over the country. Only in the past few years have they spread to the East. By definition this event is : "An inspirational event for women. Attendees are treated to presentations by several respected authors and artists who address the spiritual challenges and needs of women in the Church. It's a great opportunity for women everywhere to gather and get recharged through motivational messages and music."

I'll admit it I REALLY LIKE cheesy church conferences and gatherings, LOVE EFY music, and love learning from others especially when it comes to spiritual matters. I found out the conference was coming to Springfield, MA this year so I talked my mom into going with me! The theme was "Joyful Life". Again, by definition this is "Great delight or happiness caused by a life that is exceptionally good or satisfying." The talks and music were about celebrating "me"!!!, thanking the heavens for all the good that comes my way, and how to claim a more "satisfying life". It was fantastic.

1,000 women gathered together in one large room. A little overwhelming maybe. Friday night was my favorite. Micheal McLean gave a concert, as well as Kenneth Cope and Kim Nelson. I've always been a fan of "churchy" music... not just the hymns, but the "feel good, lift your spirits in the everyday world" kind of music. So, Friday night was a bit of heaven for me. Songs I've been listening to since I was about ten years old were sung right in front of me! Oh - I could have sat there forever! I have always firmly believed that music can have such a powerful influence (good and bad) on your thoughts and attitude. I find that even as I drive to work in the morning. Some songs really make me tense (not good when I'm fighting traffic) and some songs don't help my mood WHATSOEVER! But, the songs on Friday night were incredible.

Kim Nelson also spoke that night. He's a funny, funny man. He's a marriage and family counselor and I loved some of his points. When talking about relationships he said: "Agreement isn't necessary, but understanding is." REALLY?? That was profound for me and would have helped a few of my past relationships :)

Saturday was again amazing. Maybe a little overload on the "churchy" stuff, but wonderful! Good music interspersed some wonderful speakers. There really is so much to be joyful about in life and none of us give ourselves as much credit as we deserve!!

My mom was even recognized as one of about 15 women in the room for being a Woman Living a JOYFUL life!!! Way to go MOM!!!!

One of my favorite parts of Saturday though was eating lunch in Dr. Seuss Memorial Gardens! Yep - that's right. Dr. Seuss was born and lived in Springfield, MA and there is a beautiful park with statues from his books! I've always wanted to go see this, but never could justify a 90 minute drive just to see a park! I got lots of pictures with some of my favorite characters.

Horton - What a fun lovin' elephant!

My mom, Dr. Seuss, and Cat in the hat!

Me with the famous crew!

Green eggs and ham anyone?

"One of the places you'll go" has always had a special place in my heart. I first heard it at a girls camp when I was 16... then I got a copy for my graduation from high school. It's message is so simple, but so profound. The world is open to you. Endless possibilities. I thought it tied in nicely with living a JOYFUL life!

Here's my tribute to it... and for those who have never read it before

Oh, the Places You'll Go!

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any
you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll start happening too.

OH!
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!

You'll be on your way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don' t
Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both you elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a sting of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

NO!
That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. there are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You'll be famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don't.
Because, sometimes, they won't.

I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go
though the weather be foul
On you will go
though your enemies prowl
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike
and I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3 / 4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!

---Dr. Seuss

Changes

Change is something I've often thought about. What motivates someone to change? What makes change last? How much control do we have over change?

I think I first started thinking deeply about change when I was doing my undergrad at BYU. There were many changes in my life simply because I was living on my own, but also I became more aware of who I was and what I wanted to become... and I knew there weer many things about me and my life I wanted to change.

One of my dearest friends and roommate at BYU introduced me to the song "Changes" by 2PAC. (She is one of the most Christ-like people I know, but we would often joke with her about being a "gangsta'" in another life!!) Anyway, one of the refrains states:

We gotta make a change...
It's time for us as a people to start makin' some changes.
Let's change the way we eat, let's change the way we live
and let's change the way we treat each other.
You see the old way wasn't working so it's on us to do
what we gotta do, to survive.

I agree with this. As a people, we do need to make many changes, but for me, personally, I need to make many changes cause the old way just isn't workin' for me anymore! And, no one can make these changes but me. That's what it comes down to... no one but me.

I just finished reading a book someone gave me for Christmas (I got a lot of books, ok?!!) The author talks about how change happens in an instant. It doesn't take years, months, or weeks of grueling effort-it happens the instant the mind is truly made up. And, it happens again the next day as you make decisions that affect your life. You live that change every day with the decisions you make, but the change happens in the instant you make it.

The author makes another good point. "How do I know that I wanted to write this book? Because I'm writing it. I used to say I wanted to write a book. ... I would get frustrated with myself as the years passed and I hadn't written a word.... I would think, 'If only I had more time, I could work on the book. If only I wasn't so busy all the time with my job, I could really spend time writing.... That was a lie... big fat lie I was telling myself. The truth is I didn't want to write the book. If I had wanted to, I would have. ... I know it now because the second I really wanted to write the book, I did."

That example hit me hard. I've experienced it personally this year. I kept putting the "change" off with a boat-load of excuses, but once I really wanted to change, REALLY wanted it, the change was in an instant. Now, of course I am not going to say I have the power to make such changes and stick with them on my own. Never will I be able to do that. I've learned that the hard way. It takes humility, coming to know the Savior and the Atonement, and prayer. At least that's what it took for me...

The author goes on to say explain that the only way to fix your world is to fix yourself. I know that I've often wanted others to change and it's never-ending. It's the source of more frustration than it really should be. "'I wish they were different.' It's a fruitless, destructive waste of time to think this." The only thing we can do is change ourselves and the way we think/act.

Over the past two weeks I have seen this come true in a relationship I have with one of my co-workers. If I change myself, address the problem in me, my world changes... and it's a MUCH HAPPIER WORLD!!!