And, one of his recent posts struck me to the core. Totally eye-opening.
There are so many expectations that I have, and to some degree, when my expectations go unmet I tend to get stressed out. And, as I work to try and get what I want, I get even MORE stressed out.
I feel like I've become better at accepting the fact that I can't change another person, but I'll do my darndest to change a circumstance so that I get what I want or think is best! And, often times end up stressing myself out in doing so, only to find that I got no where with it! Then, to add insult to injury, sometimes these little stressors build up to the point where I take it all out on some unknowing person... like the Verizon customer service lady who really had no part in the problem and mistake her company made on my bill.
The author states that sometimes you can change reality, but often times, you're better off changing your expectations AND putting the situation in to a reality check.
I love how he puts it so perfectly
GET USED TO NOT GETTING WHAT YOU WANT
Fighting Reality is not Worth the Effort
I agree with him that this is true 95% of the time. There are certain values/morales/beliefs I have that no matter what anyone else says, I am going to stick up for what I think is right no matter what is going on around me, but there are many, many things that I can just let go of and move on.
The author suggests that we put things on a scale of 1-10... with a 10 being like being in the World Trade Center on 9/11, a 7 being something like loosing a job so you can't pay your rent, etc. And, that just makes me think of the things I get disappointed about in comparison to what others are going through right now... cancer, a fire destroying their home, unemployment. I think about what I complain about and have to stop myself and say - "Really? Put this in perspective and look at everything else you DO have." It's so easy for to slip in to this, loose perspective, get frustrated, complain, etc
I love how he states: "Almost everything we freak out about is somewhere in the 1-2 range of dashed expectations. In other words, our moods and our stress levels are determined by events that actually matter remarkably little.... But we can substantially reduce our stress by recognizing that in many situations, we have become perfectionists in realms where perfection isn't necessary, realistic, or even useful."
What a useful lesson for me!