Saturday, August 27, 2011

Why? I HAVE NO IDEA... but I do have FAITH

Taking a little intermission from my Nantucket posts...

I am back in DC and it's been busy getting kids started with school again while unpacking, and getting my life back together as well! (I bought my first piece of furniture this past week... others soon to come!)

It's also been a time of reflection for me in thinking about where I am and where I am going. And, I've come to the conclusion that

(Yes, that did scare me initially)

After graduating high school and in college I had my five and ten year plans. Well, I'll just say that it's nothing at all what my life is actually like right now. Even my plan after graduating with my masters degree is completely different than what I am doing now.

It's made me stop and think - WHY? Why did I even go to grad school if I was only going to work as a school counselor for 2.5 years? That was a lot of torture, money and agony to put myself through for just that!

And, I've asked WHY for many other questions as well. I'm not saying I have found the answers to those WHY questions, but I can start to see how one event led me to the next. And, that I can't even imagine I would be where I am right now if I hadn't taken those small, and sometimes very hard, steps along the way.

I ran across this article by Steve Jobs. His words gave me comfort as I walk a little blindly right now... and question - WHY?

Steve: "I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me."

(I imagine he asked himself this question many times after this happened... WHY?)

Steve continues: "It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle."

I love that statement. I have had jobs at times that I DID NOT love. And, I guess I am still in the process of figuring out exactly what I do LOVE and what I believe is great work. I have faith and hope that I'll find it... but a long the way I guess I am just going to have to ask WHY and reason that I just don't know! And, that is OK.

Steve also adds: "When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something."

That is a good motto to live by

Finally, Steve explains it best by saying: "Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life."

I want to believe this is faith. Faith that the Lord knows who I am. Faith that he hears and answers my prayers. Faith that he loves me, is aware of me, and will help me as make decisions about my future.


Unknown said...

I know you posted this a while ago, but I'm just now reading it and very much relating! Only i'm just beginning the path of my Master's-- haha-- the very same as your's... and hoping this leads to something good. I agree that we need to be doing what we LOVE. And I really like the thought you shared about evaluating where you're at each day, and deciding if that's what you'd want to be doing if it was your last day. Good point! Welcome back to D.C.... hope everything is going well.

Laura said...

I have had such similar experiences. I remember (with regard to having just broken up with a boyfriend), a friend of mine was asked what exactly she was looking for. She said, "I don't know, but I do think I'll recognize it when I find it." I knew the sentiment, and (at least when it came to romance), I totally recognized it when I found it. Same thing with my career - my undergraduate degree is in engineering. I worked for 3 years as an engineer, and HATED it so badly. So I started teaching English in foreign countries until I decided I liked microbiology. I don't think my engineering degree was "wasted" - I learned a lot and met some lifelong friends. And I learned that I hate engineering. :-)

I'm glad you had the courage to quit a job you weren't happy in - I could see it when we were living together. You'll find answers... we're all still looking for them all the time, and I think one of the greatest life skills is learning to live with uncertainty.

I am confident that you will find yourself in a place you love because you are the type of person who won't stop looking. I love that you just picked up and moved to DC. You're so awesome!